It's 3:45 a.m. and I'm finally sound asleep. Suddenly, I hear soft voices calling my name.
"Mrs. Harzog! Mrs. Harzog!"
I open my eyes and I see a blinding light. No, two blinding lights. Am I in heaven? If I am, why doesn't God know my first name? That can't be a good sign for me. My eyes start to focus and I see two small figures. Angels, perhaps? But then I see flashlights. Angels carrying flashlights? I always pictured heaven being lit with candles. And my angels look as if they're about 9 years old.
Wait a minute…this isn't heaven! I'm a long way from heaven. I'm in the middle of my daughter's birthday sleepover.
"We're scared," the angels tell me. Fortunately, maternal instinct can't tell time and I spring out of bed and escort my charges back downstairs and tuck them in. But before leaving, I turn on just one more nightlight. I have turned on so many nightlights it looks like the Christmas aisle of Wal-Mart exploded in my basement.
The next morning everyone—even my dog—is exhausted. But then I see nine happy faces. My daughter, beaming, tells me that it was the party of her life. Okay, then. Sleep deprivation was totally worth it.
If you haven't done the Big One yet you can bet that your time will come. Sooner or later every mother hears those seven dreaded words: "Can my birthday party be a sleepover?" Take comfort in knowing that many before you have already blazed the sleepover trail. Forget about Martha Stewart and take advice from the real experts: Moms Who Have Survived.
Planning the party
I talked with a few moms who have done sleepovers for kids as young as 4 but most agreed that waiting until they're at least 7 cuts down on the number of "Can I call my mom to come and get me?" requests. Once you decide that your child is ready, it's time to make the guest list.
Kim H. has survived an admirable number of sleepovers for her 4 sons: Matthew, 18, David, 12, Chris, 11 and Daniel, 8. She advises parents to carefully choose the guests. "Select kids that are compatible with each other. I have heard many horror stories of sleepovers being ruined by one child who was incompatible with the rest," says Kim.
There's no magic formula to help you decide how many to invite. It really depends on your child's temperament (some kids don't like large groups of chaos but, alas, others do!) and the ages of the guests. It also depends on your stamina. Don't invite eleven 6-year-olds if you're not prepared to deal with the demands of young guests. The objective is to pick a group of kids that will have a great time together.
On the invitations, be specific about the following: the drop-off time, what each child needs to bring for the night, and the pick-up time the next morning. When Sherry does sleepovers for her daughters, Brooke, 14 and Tara, 10, she makes a note on the invitation that any child is welcome to come just for the evening if spending the night conflicts with an early morning schedule. "Sometimes kids can't come to a sleepover because they might have a softball or a soccer game early the next morning. This way the child still feels welcome to come and have fun and stay until 10 or 11 p.m.," says Sherry.
Picking a theme
A wonderful way to plan your party is to pick a theme. Cathy gave her 9-year-old daughter, Olivia, a birthday sleepover with a fifties theme. The guests, donned in 1950s garb, dined at a fifties-style restaurant and then watched Grease on video. And, of course, they got some cool shades in their goody bags. Rosie gave a sleepover for her 7-year-old son, Jim, with a camping theme. The boys slept in the backyard in a tent, roasted marshmallows on a campfire, and made yummy s'more's. Their goody bags contained flashlights, whistles, and small canteens.
When they arrive
If you're planning to take the kids out (for example, to a movie) be sure the parents know where you are going. And be sure to get phone numbers where the parents can be reached in case of a mishap. Expect to have at least one nosebleed, skinned knee, sprained ankle, or stomachache over the course of the evening. Younger guests may get homesick and want to call a parent. Be sure you tell the kids to let you know if they need to talk to a parent. Kim Hinkle once received a call from one of her sons who wanted to come home. When she arrived to pick him up, the host parents had no idea he had called!
What's for dinner?
Three words: Keep it simple. Serving pizza (the overwhelming favorite among the moms I spoke with) or cooking out hot-dogs and hamburgers are good choices. If weather permits, have them eat outside on paper plates.
Serving the cake and ice cream outside is also a good idea. Kim P. makes the cake itself a fun experience. When her sons Andrew, 11, and Matt, 8, have birthday sleepovers, the guests sometimes decorate the cake outside on the deck. Kim buys a sheet cake and tubes of frosting and lets them have at it. Oh, and don't forget to spread newspapers. "It's messy, but it's fun and the kids love doing it," says Kim.
Keep 'em moving
At this point, the kids are loaded with adrenaline and sugar (a dangerous combination) so get them on their feet and moving. "Plan an outdoors, high-energy activity early in the evening," advises Rosie. "We organized a baseball game right after dinner." At my daughter's party, we videotaped each girl dancing to her favorite 'NSYNC or Backstreet Boys song. Older kids (especially girls) love charades. After some of the sugar wears off, start planning some more sedate activities to help them wind down. Gather an assortment of brightly colored nail polish and give the girls a manicure. Start an arts and crafts activity. Board games and movies are also good "winding down" activities.
If you have a younger child who needs attention before bedtime, consider bringing in some outside help, such as an artist or a storyteller, for an hour or so. I had a freelance artist, Joyce, spend an hour with the kids. They made jewelry and turned painted coffee filters into butterflies. The kids enjoyed having a professional artist (one girl exclaimed, "That is so cool that you're a real artist!") and it gave my husband and me a chance to get our younger one ready for bedtime.
Be flexible about how the evening progresses but make a list of possible additional activities for the kids. "Plan what to do if they go wild," advises Kim H. Not only will some activities not last as long as you planned but they might not be interested in an activity that you were sure they'd love. "Sometimes kids have their own ideas about what they want to do," points out Sherry.
Getting them to sleep
Your first decision is where to put them. Most moms chose the basement or a location at least a floor away from their bedrooms and any younger siblings. This has the advantage of minimizing noise. The disadvantage is lack of control. If you prefer to keep a close eye on their activities, try Kim H.'s approach. She lets the kids sleep two to a room. This allows the kids to experience the "sleeping part" of the sleepover with a buddy, but without the high-energy level a room full of boys would produce.
There are two approaches to bedtime: one is to take a relaxed this-is-a-special-occasion-so-let-them-stay-up-as-long-as-they-like approach; a second philosophy is to tell them early on what the bedtime is. I took the first approach assuming that they would be so tired by about 1 a.m. they would simply fall asleep in their tracks. My 3:45 a.m. wake-up call dispelled that myth pretty quickly. If you choose the first approach, be prepared for a long night.
The second approach is simple. Decide what the bedtime is and give them ample notice. Tell them when it's a half-hour away and then when it's 10 minutes away. If you do a lot of sleepovers throughout the year this might be the best choice.
Diane came up with an imaginative, hybrid approach when her 9-year-old daughter, Megan, had her sleepover. She divided the kids into two rooms: the "go to sleep" room and the "stay up till it hurts" room. "Some girls really wanted to go to sleep and this was a solution that made both groups happy," says Diane. "During the night, you have to be prepared for anything and everything."
Discipline and the high-maintenance child
Expect at least one high-maintenance child in any group. This is the child who will someday lead an insurrection to overthrow a government. Kim H. tells a wayward child that he will have to write 50 sentences in the morning if he doesn't shape up. Kim P. warns that a parent will be called. Whatever you do, have a plan of action to keep the troops in line.
The morning after
Try to get them organized as soon as they get up. Offer an incentive to get them packed and ready to sit down for breakfast. I gave awards for a "ghost story telling" contest that we'd had the night before. I told the girls that after they were packed and seated at the breakfast table we'd have an awards ceremony. Each child received a ribbon for various categories such as the funniest ghost story, the most creative ending, and so on. Sometimes, just the promise of the goody bag can get them organized.
Moms were divided into two groups about breakfast: the bacon-and-eggs moms (a group I'm in awe of) and the doughnut-and-orange-juice moms. If you're planning the relaxed bedtime approach, then choose the simple breakfast because, believe me, you will not feel like cooking.
Oh, and don't forget to have fun
Sometimes we get so caught up in planning the "perfect party" we forget to relax and simply enjoy ourselves. "Expect to have fun and you will," says Kim P.
Good advice. You can always sleep tomorrow.
